When You're Gone
by 88Ashley88
Summary: In this one moment, people maintain that final sense of normalcy; a belief that this will be a day like every other. One Shot


**This is a requested One Shot and I hope that you guys like it.**

 **I don't own anything regarding Chicago PD or any of it's characters.**

 **000000000000000000**

 _"It is with great regard that we offer you this position. We look forward to your response, Sargeant Halstead"_

Jay quickly folded the letter back and stuffed in in his jacket as he heard Erin walk out of their bedroom and into the living room of their apartment.

"What are you doing?" Erin asked. Her eyebrow raising as she looked at her boyfriend standing like a deer in headlights at the kitchen counter.

"Nothing...just waiting for you. Would you like some coffee?" Jay asked pulling her cup out of the cabinent above his head.

"Sure..." Erin said after she studied him for a few moments.

Erin walked over and took the cup from Jay's hand and she looked at him a few more moments and moved to the coffee pot in the corner.

"You know, I'm really surprised that Hank is taking us living together so well. I would almost go far enough to say he actually enjoyed himself when he came over here for dinner last night. I think you impressed him with your cooking skills" Erin teased as she poured herself a cup of coffee and she looked up and saw Jay not paying any attention to her.

Jay was staring off into the distance, something he'd done a lot after Mouse had first been deployed, but she found him doing it more and more lately.

"Jay!" Erin called and she watched him jump and shake his head as he came back to reality.

"Sorry..." Jay said quickly as Erin stepped closer to him.

"Are you ok?" Erin asked with genuine concern.

Jay nodded and gave her a smile as he pulled her into his arms. "I'm fine...I'm just tired"

Erin smiled and she wrapped her arms around his neck. "Did I really wear you out that much last night? If anyone should be tired, it's me. I'm the one that did all the work"

Jay smiled and ran his hand over Erin's cheek "I love you"

Erin's smile widened as she leaned up and pressed her lips against Jay's as the two kissed. Erin wrapped her arms around his middle and she pulled her lips away from Jay's as she felt the rustle of paper in his jacket.

"What's that?" Erin asked as she pulled back from the kiss to look at Jay.

Jay felt his body tense and he knew by Erin's nonverbal cues she'd felt it too.

He didn't want to tell her like this. He had planned on telling her tonight after dinner.

"Erin..." Jay started "I have to tell you something"

"You're married?" Erin teased

Jay smiled as he thought back to the night in his apartment when he'd asked her the same thing.

"Not quite" Jay sighed as he took her by the hand and pulled the letter out of his jacket and handed it to her.

Erin let her hand fall from Jay's as she looked at the address on the letter.

 **The United States Army**

Erin felt her hands shake as she pulled the letter out and started to read it. Fear filling every ounce of her body as she dreaded reading the word "Deployment"

But she didn't.

Instead she read about how Jay was offered a job in California, he'd be gone for a year, but he'd be serving his country stationed 2000 miles away from her for the next 22 months.

That is, if he took the job.

After Erin finished the letter she looked up at Jay and was quiet a moment before she spoke.

"Jay..." Erin started.

Jay watched as he looked at Erin. He'd never been in a position before where the decision he would make would affect more than just his life.

"Erin, before you say anything...I don't even know if this is something that I want. I mean, yeah, is it a once in a lifetime opportunity? Yes, but It's also a lot to think about. I have my job here and you're..."

Erin held her hand up as a cue for him to stop. "Don't use me as a reason to not follow your dreams Jay. All you'll do is grow to hate me. And I don't want that"

Jay shook his head "That's not what I'm trying to say. Before you Erin, it was only me. I was the only one that I had to think about and there's never been a time when I had to think of not only myself, but also of someone else. I want to stay with you, but then I think about Mouse and how he's actually over there fighting for our country and I guess I've been thinking about what I can do to help him"

Erin's gaze dropped from Jay's and she felt her heart breaking as she looked at him. "I think you should go"

"But what about us?" Jay asked.

Erin shook her head "I guess it goes back to that whole crystal ball talk we had before. We'll just keep an open mind about what happens down the road"

Jay took a step towards Erin and he watched as she stepped away from him "Erin"

"I have to go to work" Erin said as she quickly grabbed her keys and walked out of the apartment.

Erin made her way to the elevator and as soon as the doors shut behind her she felt the heavy sobs she'd tried so hard to fight off overtake her body.

 **000000000000000000**

 _ **Two Months Later**_

Erin sat in the 300 as she looked next to her in the passenger seat where Jay used to sit.

He'd been gone for almost two months now and with him, had gone her heart.

Well, most of it anyway.

What little bit she had left was just filled with aching memories of him and how much she loved him.

They'd made the choice to try the long-distance thing, but Erin wasn't sure it was going to work.

She wanted to believe that she could be one of those girls who could make it work, but she wasn't sure she was.

And as much as she loved Jay, and she did more than anything, she didn't want to be selfish.

It wasn't fair to ask him to wait 22 months to be with her again, and she was pretty sure she needed to work up the courage to let him off the hook.

At least that's what her mind told her. But that heart of hers was willing to wait forever for this man.

The team had rally rallied around Erin in the weeks that Jay had been gone, her friendship with Burgess had grown to become one of the saving graces in Erin's life and her once rocky relationship with Hank had once again grown back to him being a pilar of strenghth she'd needed since she was a teenager.

Erin was brought back to reality as Hank's voice filled the ear bud in her ear. "Stay back until I say"

Erin looked at the man they were currently after Anthony Ronaldo, was wanted on a drug bust gone bad that had lead to the death of three college kids.

Right now the IU was currently parked outside his last known address waiting for him to come out so they could take him down.

It takes awhile for everything to catch up to real time. Shock is a funny thing. People get suspended in this moment between what just happened and what's to come. That moment is the last relief a person is allowed before the body acknowledges the bullet tearing through skin and muscle. In this one moment, people maintain that final sense of normalcy; a belief that this will be a day like every other.

That's how it happened when Ronaldo, exited his apartment, walked over to his car, casually picked a gun up from the passenger seat of his vehicle, turned, and fired.

Even though the IU is specially trained to be alert at all times in the field, it's impossible to be prepared for a man like Ronaldo who carried nothing in his heart but a desire to die. Most law enforcement professionals refer to this as 'suicide by cop', but Ronaldo wasn't interested in leaving this world on his own.

Ronaldo's movements were fluid when he turned; so fluid it was hard to even question the gun in his hand. It was as if they had asked him to turn a gun on them and he was just being a good citizen and complying.

Antonio and Olinsky were still in the van when Ronaldo was performing his dangerous action. Later, they would pepper Atwater with relentless questions about how Ronaldo got the drop on them, and Atwater would do his best to explain how Ronaldo gave them no tell about what he was thinking, but it was a situation that had to be seen to be believed.

Even with a quick draw, Erin was half a second behind Ronaldo when he fired. Erin had only halfway drawn her weapon from her holster.

Luckily, Ronaldo's aim was off because in that half second, nothing happened. Then Ruzek sent four shots into Ronaldo catching him under the ribcage and throwing him against his car door. The man slumped to the ground like a ragdoll.

Voight felt a mixture of emotions boil up in him. Shootings did that to a man, but there was also the issue of Erin. In the time, it took for Ruzek to drop four rounds on this hump, Erin should've gotten in at least two.

Doing nothing was unacceptable. Regardless of where her head was at regarding Jay.

It was the difference between living and dying.

"Dammit, Erin! Where the hell was your head at? I know you're upset about Halstead, but this is work. What the hell are you thinking?!" Voight said as he snapped his head towards her.

Erin wore a puzzled look on her face. She was staring straight ahead and Hank turned his head sharply, thinking that Erin was seeing something he couldn't. Hank frowned at the empty landscape and looked back at her.

"Erin!"

Erin blinked and looked at him. Then Hank noticed that Erin had her right hand over something wet on her chest. He felt something primal in his gut and he waited. Shock did that. He needed that moment to believe what his eyes were actually seeing.

Erin Lindsay leaned forward slightly and her legs buckled. She landed hard on her knees, her right hand still holding her chest. Hank's body had enough intelligence to act when his mind couldn't. He dropped to the ground and caught Erin before she landed face first on the pavement.

Hank held her tightly. "Talk to me, Erin!"

"I'm shot. Hank" Erin exhaled suddenly

"It's okay, Erin. It's going to be okay."

Hank blinked and saw Burgess and Tay running toward them in the distance. In a moment of pure instinctual helplessness, he screamed, "Help!"

His back was to Ronaldo, the scene was unsecured, but he could only kneel on the pavement and hold his Erin upright.

Erin's head rolled back as she felt everything around her turning white. "I'm dying. Hank."

Hank shook his head and pressed on Erin's gunshot wound as he felt the warm blood seeping out onto his hands.

"You're going to be fine, Erin. You're not going anywhere. I'm not going to let you."

It seemed like Burgess and Tay were running forever. Hank thought about screaming some more, but clearly, it was scaring Erin. Then he thought about laying Erin on the pavement, but it felt way too final and he wouldn't allow anything like that to happen.

He wasn't going to lose her like he'd lost everyone else in his life that he loved. She was all he had left and knowing the girl who was his daughter in every aspect but blood, was slowly dying in his arms was enough to make him die right there with her.

The pounding of Burgess' shoes filled his ears and he looked up. "He shot her."

Hank adjusted his stance on the ground and adjusted Erin as he heard Tay call for rescue

Erin fell back into Hank's body as hot tears started to slide from her hazel eyes. "I'm sorry, Hank."

Hank shook his head lightly. "You didn't do anything wrong. You did great, kid."

Burgess knelt down next to Erin and Hank and pulled Hank's hand away from Erin's wound to inspect the damage. She felt her stomach turn as a gush of warm blood poured out of Erin's chest and tears stung the back of her eyes as she looked at Hank and shook her head.

Burgess looked away from Hank and composed herself before looking at her partner. "Tay! Where's that damn bus?"

"They're on their way ETA is 11 minutes."

Hank glared up at her. "She doesn't have 11 minutes. Tell them to get here NOW"

Erin seemed to accept this. Her breathing had become more labored. Then Hank heard an all to familiar rattle in her breathing and the fear in his gut became too much.

He knew that sound.

He'd heard it many times before when he'd seen people get shot.

It happened when someone's lungs filled with fluid. After that, people closed their eyes and never opened them again.

Hank looked at Burgess. "We have to get her upright. I think she's bleeding into her lungs."

Burgess lifted Erin carefully, and slid under her until Erin's head was against her chest.

Erin's thoughts went to this morning and her coversation with Jay and how he promised her he was going to come back to her, her mind filled with visions of all of the things she was never going to get to do with him.

She was never going to get the chance to be his wife, or the mother of his children, and she was never going to get to sit on that porch in Wisconsin with him when they were retired and covered in grandchildren.

Why did she have to wait so long to tell this man she loved him?

She felt herself getting more tired and all she wanted to do was just close her eyes and go to sleep.

Erin's eyes looked over Hank's shoulder and she could've swoarn she saw Jay standing behind Hank looking at her in only the way that he could.

The way that made her feel safe, happy and more loved than she ever thought possible.

Erin struggled to take a breath as she looked up at Hank. "I...love...you..."

Hank closed his eyes and set his mouth. Then he wrapped his hand around Erin's and held on. Erin's eyes soon found Burgess, but a red bubble appeared out of the corner of her mouth before she could speak. Burgess cradled her best friend's face gently. "Don't talk anymore. You just breathe."

The sound of sirens was in the air. And the hope that help was on the way somehow brought them hope.

"Erin, don't close your eyes!" Hank pleaded.

Erin's eyes opened and she moved her head back to look at Hank.

"Jay..." Erin's raspy voice called out.

"We'll call him" Hank assured. "I'll tell him anything you want him to know. He loves you, Erin. Don't do this to him"

Erin nodded slowly as a hot tear rolled down her cheek and she looked over Hank's shoulder and saw Jay standing there, clear as day, and Jay's name fell from her lips like a prayer before she felt everything around her go white.

 **000000000000000000**

Jay sat in the metal chairs of the waiting room at Chicago Med. He looked at the clock and saw that it was almost 3 am. He felt the ache in his muscles as he adjusted himself in his chair. He hadn't moved from that spot since his flight had gotten in from California 10 hours earlier.

Jay didn't feel anything but fear and guilt as he looked around the waiting room between all the members of his former unit and a few from the firehouse that had stopped in to sit with them.

Getting the phone call from Alvin earlier about Erin had been it for him, he'd been having second thoughts about his move to California, and leaving his unit behind, every day for the last month and hearing about Erin, the woman he loved was the final realization of where he needed to be.

Everything with Mouse going back to serve had made Jay think about his own service and he knew that Mouse's past wasn't his. Even though he wasn't seeing action in California, he was still working with and training the men and women that would, he couldn't help but regret being there.

He would always be a soldier, that part of him would never go away. But that was also part of his past, and while he was thankful for the chance he'd been given, and it shaping him into the man that he was today, it wasn't home.

Erin was his home.

The people in this unit were his family now, and nothing was ever going to change that.

He knew where he needed to be.

With his family.

With his home.

Jay looked back up at the clock and tapped his foot as he waited for Hank to come back from ICU. Erin had come out of surgery and Dr. Rhodes had come out to talk to them and said that they were hopeful for the outcome of Erin's recovery.

A relief for all of the unit, but yet, nobody had left to go home.

Dr. Goodwin had bent the rules and agreed to let people back to see Erin past visiting hours of the ICU, as long as they stuck to the one at a time rule.

Hank had been the first to go back and had been back there with Erin for the last hour. Jay had wanted to go first, but he took a look at Hank, who still sat with Erin's blood on his hands and clothes and knew that the man who was instrumental into raising Erin into the woman she was, should be the one to see her first.

Hank had given Jay a greatful smile and quickly followed Dr. Rhodes past Jay and down the hall towards the ICU.

Jay stood from the chair as he watched Will walk in. Will held in his hand two cups of coffee and he took a seat next to Jay and handed him one.

"How are you holding up?" Will asked as he took a sip of his coffee.

"I think I'll feel better once I see her. How does she look?" Jay asked.

Will was quiet for a moment, "She's stable. She's on a vent, so you might want to prepare yourself for that"

"A vent? Why?" Jay asked as he felt his chest tighten.

"Jay, she had a major chest injury, her body is tired, it needs a chance to rest for a day or two. Until then, the vent is doing the work for her. She's going to be ok, that's the important part" Will explained.

"I should've been here" Jay said "I was supposed to protect her, but I didn't"

Will shook his head "Jay you can't blame yourself, you were on the other side of the country. Doing what you're supposed to be doing."

Jay nodded his head and leaned his head forward and rubbed the back of his head with his hand. "I quit my job"

Will looked at his brother and shook his head "Why? I thought that's what you wanted?"

Jay sat back and looked down at his coffee cup "I want Erin. And I want her every day for the rest of my life. Haven't you ever wanted anything that much?"

Will's eyes rose to meet the girl standing in the white lab coat and he smiled. "Yeah, I have"

Jay's gaze followed Will's and he gave a small smie when he saw Will looking at her.

"I like her, she's good for you"

Will smiled as his gaze dropped for the girl in the lab coat and back over to his brother.

"We'll talk about that later...Go see Erin" Will said as Hank walked back in the waiting room.

 **000000000000000000**

The sun was coming up.

It was a new day.

Jay hadn't even realized how long he'd been sitting in the chair next to Erin's bed until the faint rays of sunlight broke through the clouds as the sun started to rise from the darkness.

If Jay ever had a wish, it was that he'd _never_ have to be in a hospital again, when this was all over. Or better yet, he'd wish he could take her place

"But I guess that's not going to happen, right Erin?" Jay had quietly murmured to Erin one night. "You know. There's no way I'm letting you come back to work until you're healthy again, you know that right. You just have to keep fighting, OK?"

Jay had never talked to Erin so much in his life. Never before had he bared his soul so completely. Since Erin had been put into the deep coma, he'd had constant care and attention by numerous doctors and nurses. But while he was thankful, Jay knew only he would make the difference where Erin was concerned. If Erin could hear Jay wherever she was, Jay knew she'd listen to him. She'd find him just like she always did.

Jay cleared his throat as he took Erin's hand in his and brought it up to his lips and kissed it.

"Sorry about the scratchy voice, Erin," Jay had told him on the fourth day. "But I don't think I've stopped talking since I came in here."

Even when Jay had lost his voice nearly completely, he didn't stop talking – just started whispering instead. And he'd told his girl nearly everything – how lost Jay had felt when his Mom died, about his strained relationship with his dad, about his service to his country, everything he could think to tell the woman he loved, he confessed.

"Babe, can you hear me?," Jay said, once again holding onto Erin's hand. It was both of their lifelines now. "God, Erin, I'm so sorry. I know I've said a lot the past few hours, but I haven't said that yet. But you need to hear it. You deserve to hear it. You're so amazing, Erin. You're a better person than I'll ever be. I know you don't think that, but it's true. Erin, this is my fault. You don't get the blame for this. I should've been there to have been your backup. I am so ashamed of myself, Erin. I knew I'd been an ass to you the night before I left, and I'm so, so sorry for that. I was scared, and instead of talking about it, I just wanted to brush it all away. Pretend it never happened, y'know? So I just ignored it. And in the process, I didn't make sure you were okay."

Jay knew what Erin would say if she could. _"Jay, stop being an idiot. I know you were scared. It's not your job to protect me. This isn't your fault"_

"I should've been here, Erin. And I didn't do it. And now you might die because of it," Jay lamented, feeling a sob welling within him. He hadn't cried yet. "Damn it, Erin. You have to stay with me. I need you around, don't ever think I don't. Without you, Erin, I'd... I'd be dead. Or as close to dead as you can be while still breathing. Please Erin, don't leave me. I love you so much"

Jay felt the sobs over take his body as he held Erin's hand against his face and cried. He closed his eyes and pressed his lips against the top of her hand and closed his eyes as he silently prayed to whoever may hear him.

It was only when he felt Erin's fingers curl around his hand that he opened his own eyes.

He looked up at her face and saw her hazel eyes slowly flutter open and a sob escaped his lips as he smiled through tears at her.

"Hey baby" Jay said as he stood up and moved to place a kiss on top of Erin's head.

Erin's eyes studied Jay's face and she squeezed his hand as she looked up at him.

Jay sighed thankfully as he sat down on the side of Erin's hospital bed as he continued to hold her hand.

He brought his hand down and brushed away the tear that slid out of Erin's eye and down the side of her cheek as he held her gaze.

 **000000000000000000**

Erin's gaze held Jay's as she slowly regained her surroundings, she knew she was in the hospital and she remembered being shot, but after that everything was a blur.

It wasn't until she heard Jay's voice that she was pulled back to her own state of mind. She'd thought she was dreaming, much like she thought when she saw him standing behind Hank in the parking lot today.

But once she opened her eyes and saw him there, she knew she wasn't dreaming.

He'd come back to her, just like he'd promised her he would and she knew that nothing was ever going to change the way that she felt about this man.

Not time.

Not distance.

Not sickness.

Her future was all wrapped up in him, and his was wrapped up in hers.

They were a perfect fit.

Now.

And Forever.

 **~*The End*~**


End file.
